Seven Approaches to Getting out of a Rut in Your Marriage

Seven Approaches to Getting out of a Rut in Your Marriage

So what do you do when the freeway comes to a dead stop or your marriage feels like it is on a dead end street? A road map with some alternate routes or a GPS device help on the freeway. The way to get out of a rut is to reconnect with one another.

• A Weekend Away. Take a weekend away to a quiet place with no kids, no TV, no Internet, no chores, and no work from the office to distract you from one another. Make this a time just for the two of you. Use this time to talk with one another. Talk about good memories, of future dreams, of current concerns and fears.
• A Weekly Date. If finances are tight or you can't be away from your children for an entire weekend, find a way to spend time alone with each other each week. Saying you will have monthly dates isn't good enough when your marriage is in a rut. You need more time than that to reconnect with one another.
• A Peaceful Room. Look at your home environment. If you don't have any rooms in your house that are uncluttered and inviting, then create such a space. Decide together to make at least one room in your home free of clutter. If you can't get a room uncluttered in a weekend together, spend 15 minutes each day working on the room. You both need a space that enables you to feel relaxed and calm. Such an environment can actually make you feel good about yourselves and your marriage.
• Write a Letter. When talking about sensitive issues in your marriage, express yourself without showing hostility. Do not blame your spouse. Keep sarcasm out of the conversation. Examine your own attitudes about the issue to see if you are contributing to the problem in your marriage. If this is difficult for you to do, write down your thoughts and feelings about one issue, wait a day or so, then re-read what you wrote before giving the letter to your spouse.
• Make Plans for Your Future Together. Ask yourselves if you are living the way you want to live. If not, do some brainstorming about strategies to get yourselves to where you want to be -- emotionally, financially, physically, etc. Make specific plans for achieving a goal the two of you have set.
• Spend Ten Minutes Together Daily. Develop a routine of spending ten minutes alone together each day. Make this a time to reconnect. It is not the time to share frustrations or to want to solve problems. This ten minutes has to be a positive ten minutes together. You could spend ten minutes talking about your expectations of the day, or talk about good things that happened to you in the past 24 hours. You could take a ten-minute walk together or do breathing exercises together. What you do with that ten minutes shouldn't be the same every day. Some couples sitting together quietly and watching the sun set or looking at stars.
• Do Something New. Do something new each day. Take a different route home. Eat a vegetable cooked in a different way. Watch a television show or movie you haven't seen. Discover something new about your spouse. Move a piece of furniture. Plant a flower seeds you never planted before. Walk on a different street or path. Play a new card or board game. Learn how to together. It doesn't matter what you do that is new. What is important is sharing what you did that was new with your spouse.

From http://marriage.about.com/od/marriagetoolbox/a/marriageinarut.htm